Ok, I had this really cool post about self evaluation and the growth of man from one stage to another. How through the altering of responses to understood emotional hang-ups, one could overcome shortcomings or perceived faults and become a better person. How you can be better equipped and more in tune with the emotions and realities of life and those you love. But I fell asleep half way through writing it. Man was that some boring crap.
Suffice it to say that I have recently embarked on a journey into the inner psyche to uncover some truths about myself and try and reach a higher plane of existence as a man, father, and husband. Not necessarily in that order though. We'll see how well it turned out as time passes. I'll let you know if I succeeded.
Anyway, just what you wanted and didn't know it. I have decided to temporarily suspend the #1 man rule. I can't tell you exactly what it is, but I can hint. So, if there is something you just don't comprehend with guys. You've never gotten a satisfactory answer, or thought you were getting a little BS instead of the truth. I will tell you the 100% honest truth. The who, the why, the how and even the what the hell? Not softened up to save face, to make myself look good so I can get laid, not for any personal gain, but for you, my gentle reader, I do this for you.
Here are the rules. You must ask two questions. I will answer 1 question with complete honesty, the other will be a wholesale fabrication in line with those that guys regularly throw out there instead of the truth. You have to figure out the rest for yourself (believe me, it won't be hard). Smart ass questions will receive like toned responses, so use your better judgment with the questions. Really, make them count, you may never get this chance again. Ever.
Not to try and over sell this opportunity. But this is a once in a lifetime chance here. When was the last time that you were absolutely sure that the words a guy said were 100% truthful and that he took honest consideration of your words to heart and in turn spoke based on that thought. Yeah, never, I know. And the gay guy you were talking to last week, he doesn't count. He was lying too, he just tells different kinds of lies.
So take your time. Think of some good ones. You can team up with someone if you want and each ask one question, but then you'll have to figure out who got the truth and who got a lie. I promise to answer equal numbers for truth as deception. I will even answer more than one, as long as they come in pairs.
I might answer more truthfully if it is a really good question, or is a long standing misconception prevalent amongst society. As a bonus I will even ask the 1st question for you and answer in both ways to illustrate exactly what you will get out of this. On to the comments.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Just what you've always wanted, and never expected to get.
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23 comments:
Question: Do men prefer to get a BJ or have sexual intercouse.
Answer #1: Guys really enjoy both, but it really depends on the situation. With someone whom he genuinely cares about, he would prefer to have intimate and passionate sex than just get a hummer, though the occasional BJ is always appreciated. But sex is by far the better of the two. Plus, we get to satisfy you, and that is even more satisfying for us. Remember the old addage, "it is better to give than to receive."
Answer #2: Definately a BJ. As long as the chick doesn't botch the job (no pun intended) then a hummer is way more tantalizing. Sex is great, and he will take either one, but a BJ is by far the better to receive. ALL guys would love to have sex two, three or four times a week, but that's about it, really. More than that and it gets a little stale after a while. But a BJ, we'll take one or more a day for the rest of our lives and NEVER get tired of it. We might forego it to have sex once in a while, but that is primarily to keep her happy so we get the BJ too.
So, now you see how it works. I also encourage you to ask this question to yur guy friends and compare it to my two answers above. It will be very telling on what you can expect from them when it comes to the truth.
I'm confused. You said to ask a pair of questions. You only asked one!
Ilove your first paragraph, by the way. And the line about the gay friend. Heh.
I asked one question to illustrate the two possible answers you'd get. I figured I'd let you come up with two questions on your own. That way you can have the fun/confusion of figuring out which answer is which. To make things eisier, if you ask only one question, then you will get both answers as in my example. I am here to please. Ask away!
But if I only ask one question, then that takes the sadistic fun out of it, doesn't it?
I have to think a bit, to figure out what questions I want you to play with.
I see somebody has seen "Memoirs of a Geisha"...
Question 1: Why do men (i.e., one man in particular, but hey, I'm shallow enough to project it onto all of you) think they agree to an exclusive relationship, screw around and then have it all go away by simply saying they are sorry, were drunk and have needs?
Question 2: How can we, as a nation, achieve peace in the Middle East without compromising the security of Israel, while still maintaining inexpensive access to the massive oil reserves found in the region?
Do men talk to other men about sex? And if so, in how much detail?
Yes Jill, that would take all the joy ouy of Mudville faster than Alex Rodriguez or Jason Giambe striking out. Sorry Yankee Fans, I get joyful glee out of them getting beaten. I hate the Boston Red Sox too.
Yes Heart, I have seen Memoirs of a Geisha. I think it is an excellent movie. Excellent cinematography, story line, character portrayal. It is a top 20 kind of movie. But what does that have to do with anything, I'm confused now.
Julene, excellent having you stop in and join us.
Question #1: Two possibilities come to mind. Because he is a jerk-off and he thinks you'll let him get away with it or he is just a complete and utter moron. Some guys have it in their heads that sleeping around makes them a man, and that they can find satisfaction in her arms, or hers, or hers. . . but the reality is that they are just stupid moronic jerks who should have the shit kicked out of them. If you slept around on him, then he'd be gone, and call you a whore the whole way out the door. He's an idiot, or he think you'll let him so why not cheat. Again, a jerk, but he knows you hate it, he just doesn't care. If he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that if he cheats you are going to drop the hammer and send him packing, he'll think about it before doing it. The excuse that he was too drunk to know what he was doing is an outright lie. If he was too drunk to know what he was doing, then he was too drunk to perform. If his needs are so great that he can't find fulfillment in you, or wait until he can get to you, then he has impulse issues that can be dangerous if given the right circumstances. Cut all ties with this guy and forget about him. A cheater will always be a cheater. They either cheat again in person or in their mind. No exceptions. They always cheat again! If you love him, I'm sorry for your pain. You can find love somewhere else, he is literally risking your life with sleeping around. If he put one bullet in a revolver, spun the cylinder and pointed it at your head, and pulled the trigger. . . . if it didn't kill you. . . . . would you wait for him to pull it again? This is exactly the same. You won't die from a broken heart, it heals, finds new love and grows even stronger. Aids will kill you.
Question #2: First off, we supply Israel with every possible weapons advantage we can, send our troops over to train with the Masaad and help fortify the border. If someone so much as makes a sour scowl at Israel, we bomb them into oblivion, and his country's ruler's palace. No ground troops leave Israel, but thousands of bombs and birth control methods get dropped. We sit back and let all the other little war mongers over there kill each other off and then we bomb the crap out of Venezuela and take over. Then we simply tap into the worlds largest oil reserve right here in our backyard. Peace (for Israel at least) and lots of oil for us. . . . sounds like a win win to me.
Well Chicky, I'm not sure if I should count that as 1 two-part question or two questions.I think I'll treat it as one question so, I will give you two answers to choose from.
Answer #1: Yes and No, guys will make the occasional mention of sex with some chick from the past. More of a general information kind of thing. A quick comparing of "the list" if that explains it any better. We do talk about the who and the when, but never really the how, unless some guy is in way over his head and we give him some pointers. But other than that, no way. And there is a limit to how close to the present you get. The rule is basically, the ex-ex on back is fair game. You never talk about the current chick or the ex.
Answer #2: Yes and no, guys talk about sex but not how you expect. We do not discuss it to the detail that women do. Position, location, frequency, quality, and only in the most basic terms are discussed. But as in answer #1 there are rules. You never, ever talk about the 'current' other than to give a yes you have or no you haven't (and that is optional, and in no way obligated) and the other guy can never bring it up. . . .except for that one friend that can ask anything and get away with it. That friend you'd let sleep with your sister even though you hated the thought of it, he can ask. This is aslo the friend you kick the shit out of after he dumps/cheats on your sister and you remain friends with him. He knows he deserves the ass whoopin, and resists just enough so it looks like a good fight.
Anyway, It is also obtional to give a quality rating of the current, if the rating is given, it will be either the best ever or meh, it ain't bad. The latter of the two spells eventual doom for the relationship and prepares the other guy(s) for the future strip club trip. The ex (unless she is still a friend in the extended group) is not off limits per se', but she really isn't discussed that much except to make fun of Ralph because he isn't getting any, unless she was a skank and a ho. Then she is fair game to talk about. Oh, and the current chick, if she is just a bang, the guy may tell every detail of every act at his discretion (and will make some up), and all the guys can ask about her. Basically, it comes down to the chick. If she is potential "wife" material, no one says a word. If you wouldn't want to marry her but she is hot and the sex is available, you'll talk a little. If she is a ho and all your buddies know it, you'll tell them everything, but ironically, she's a ho, they don't care. If she is hideously ugly and troll like, or excessively large, the guy won't breathe a word of it, even to his best friend. Anyone from another state or that is not a part any extended friend group, she will be discussed in detail, but only half of it will be true or believed. For these situations, we discuss the who, when, where, how, how often, what she did, what we did, taste, texture, sounds, the leg cramp we got from being in the shower with her butt in the soap dish. . . . you get the picture. These are the, one or two, half believed stories that a guy will tell to anyone who will listen and they get more detailed as he thinks of them. An element of truth, but 75% fabrication.
Man that was long. Any follow up questions will be dealt with in batches that are smaller.
I'll definitely think of a question later (believe me, I have about a million swirling in my head) but I wanted to say thanks for your awesome comment today. I had to come over here and check you out and...I LOVE IT! Love your blog. First off, I think what you're doing, the whole introspection and self-realization thing, is so brave. I'm attempting the same, but it definitely gets tough sometimes. And to come here, and read you, it just gives me courage and helps push me forward into my own journey. So thanks!
Now I'm gonna start thinking of some questions because when it comes to guys and relationships i am CLUELESS! :)
I think I'm more concerned with that friend you'd let sleep with your sister than men discussing how good she is in bed!
Another question from me: Do men fantasise during sex or just concentrate on the task at hand?
Looking forward to both answers to that one! :P
Welcome Marissa, good to have you stop by. I'm blushing a little now from the compliments. Feel free to keep that up ;-)
I look forward to your questions.
I guess that was a little misleading and extreme, Chicky, you would let him date her and hope like hell he was good to her and kick his ass if he wasn't. There would be absolutely NO discussion of sex with her. Now to the answers:
Answer #1: Uh, yes. No questions or doubt. All guys fantasize during sex, maybe not every time and definately not most of the time, but at least some of the time. I will focus on the guy who actually cares about whether or not his partner has fun, the other guy is not worth talking about. It really comes down to the situation and the guy as to the when and why and even the who (sometimes it is not the person he is with, sorry). We know that climaxing together is better than apart. We know that for you (all women), it adds a little bonus to the evening. We don't really care. We got ours, you got yours. . . who cares if it wasn't perfectly in sync. Anyway, sometimes we need to speed things along, sometimes we need to slow them down, other times we have to read our own cues and then listen focus on you to guage where you are and adjust accordingly. If what we are doing is rocking your world but it isn't fireworks for us, we'll watch you and when you get close to orgasm we will fantasize a little to catch up, or if it is really doing nothing for us (a positional thing mostly) we will fantasize to keep things rolling until we can move around to a better place. Most of the time we are focusing on you and the task at hand, not much is hotter than seeing and hearing what you are doing from where you are doing it, but we throw the occasional fantasy in once in a while for kicks or to keep things running smoothly. Most of the time we pull in one of our not-in-the-act-of-sex sex fantasies to complete that particular fantasy. or open up the possibility to other fantasies.
Answer #2: There are two types of guys. Those that fantasize and those that don't. Those that do are only interested in their own gratification and are usually thinking of some movie star somewhere because they have delusions of grandeur and think they should be with her. They are idiots and pigs. The other guy is a caring lover and really, really wants to make sure that the sex is the best for his partner. So this guy will spend 98% of the time focusing on you (the woman) and trying to read your cues so he can adjust what he is doing to bring you to climax. If he is getting too close to orgasm himself, he may think about something else like the baseball box scores or think of math problems to confuse and distract his mind and body for a second. This tends to de-sensitize the moment and can add "stamina" if it is needed. This guy might think ahead a little or on you in another position, but he would never think of someone else.
Memoris of a Geisha - had the same game, only they played it in the hot tub (or lake) - the geishas and the men they were entertaining...
Didn't swallow answer #2 Spiffy! He's not going to fantasise about baseball scores just as I'm not going to think about what shoes I will wear in the morning!
I'm not suprised that you don't fantasies about us (reverse is also true).
Thank you for answeing the questions.
Heart, oh. I forgot all about that scene. Yes, this is very similar. One truth one lie, but the difference in my game is I am answering a direct question. Still fun, but not quite as fun as sitting in a hot spring with hot chicks while drinking Sake'.
Chicky, Sorry to disappoint, but there are some elements of truth in answer #2. Like all good lies, the truth makes up 40 to 60 percent of it. When we get that distracted look in our eyes, and you wonder what we are thinking of. This is the answer we give. "You are so hot and sexy I was going to fast and I wanted to slow down a little so we could go together, so I was trying to name the top five home run hitters in MLB". This is acceptable, it is ok to think about this stuff, but we can't say "Oh yea babe, I was thinking of that waitress from the resaraunt. Her body was smokin hot and I needed a little boost to get me there." Hence, the non disclosure of the whole truth.
I personally have thought of hockey scores, baseball, calculus, mentally balanced the checkbook and done inumerable other things for 20 or 30 seconds or so during sex to "extend" the party. 20 or 30 seconds of distraction can buy you 3 to 5 minutes easily, sometimes 8 or 10. The drawback to that is if you distract yourself too long, you start to lose ardour and run the risk of having to kick into a sexy fantasy to put things back on track, and usually you are right back where you started from, if not closer to climax. So this should only be used occasionally, and with experience.
I had a math teacher once that, well, lets just say that thinking of math then, did nothing to cool a brother down.
Okay, I'll play along... here are my 2 Qs:
1) I know I am a bit difficult, but why do men find me impossible to love?
2) Will you ever post a picture of yourself (or mail it if I ask nicely?
Ooooh goody, my chance to answer two different question. One with truth and the other with a lie. Heart, you'll have to figure out which is real.
A2Q #1:I don't think it is that guy's can't love you. I also don't think you are too difficult. Maybe a little high maintenance, but that is not a problem for the right guy. I see there being three issues to overcome. 1) You intimidate the hell out of 95% of the guys you spend time with. You are attractive (guys can deal with that) You are extremely intelligent (advanced degree, artistic, professional, politics) and you are terminally active. You are on high speed all day, getting things done, going places, moving moving moving. Being hot brings the guys in, but you are so tough to be better than, or even to keep up with, that guys get intimidated and figure it is best to move on because they will never be able to live up to your example. You will also hold them accountable to you and to themselves so they can't slack off. You demand the best from them, that scares most men. 2) You are picking guys that are from an age demographic that isn't suited for you. You are attracted to the guy your age or within a year or two, they are not in any way, shape or form ready for a woman like you. They can't handle it, more pointedly, you don't put up with the juvenile behaviour and it disolves the relationship. But the older guys, are too old or some pervy 40 year old looking to play around after his divorce. Again, you are too much for them to handle. You need a man who is 29 to 34, owns his own business. Preferably, never married or married really young and divorced for 4 or 5 years. An early widower would be acceptable, but then you have to compete with her memory, so nix that one. Someone in the service industry, either builds things for people or provides a service for them (carpenter, architect, engineer, electrician, pilot, etc.) so he knows how to treat people well. You would not be too much of a challenge for him, because you would not define who he was in the eyes of those you see together. He would always have his own identity and not just be that guy you are with. You need a man that is as self assured and successful as you are. 3) You know that the guy is going to split, or you believe it anyway and so if a guy does have what it takes, you hold him away until he decides you are never going to let him in and he moves on. I would say that with the posts of yours I've read, seeing some of your charcoals and some of your comments to my stuff. I would say that you have male abandonment issues. A favorite Uncle, your Dad, Grandpa, some strong male role model from when you were a small child became absent. That hurt was reflected in your little heart as something that would happen if you loved someone too much. You don't allow yourself to open up completely because you know you will fall deeper and faster than he will and if it ends you will be hurt. As a defense mechanism you keep the guy at arms distance and demand he be perfect (at least in his own eyes - he feels this pressure most likely from his own desire to be good enough) you sabatage the dating scene with either emotional disassociation or with dating guys that are no match for you. You are looking for Prince Charming and getting trolls because you are looking under bridges.
A2Q #2) I do not own a picture of myself. I gave them all to a poor old Gypsy woman use in a Gypsy Love Potion. It is supposed to drive women wild and make them fall in love with whomever is wearing the scent. I may have a picture of my tattoo around here someplace though. I might be able to track one down to post or mail if I am persuaded with the proper bribe. But if I post it then I'll lose my mystery, my annonimity. . . . that's a delimna.
Two more, just for fun. 'cause those last ones were pretty easy to figure out:
1) Do you believe people are designed to ever find true happiness in life or is it an endless, pointless struggle for the unattainable?
2) Which sector do you work, oh 8 year older then men-man?
A2Q #1: I believe you make your own happiness. You one, have to figure out what makes you happy. Then you work towards it setting realistic and attainable goals, knowing that everything may not work out just as you hoped. Two, you then adjust your expectations to meet the reality of what you have and strive for being content with that. Not to say you settle or are satisfied with the hand that life deals you, but you make the best with what you have been given. The third thing is to not get caught up in the things that don't work out the way you want them, but to focus on the things that have worked out. Happiness can take many forms and be evident in many different facets of life. Be content with the best you can obtain and quit striving for the best possible outcome. The rich man never has enough money, so he is never satisfied. But if you have 250 million dollars, do you really need 300 million to be happy, and then 350 million, and so on. At what point can you sit back and enjoy the successes you've attained. Why not be happy with 2 million, or enough to be comfortable and do most things you want.
A2Q #2) I am a repo man. I take other people's stuff when they can't pay for it. . . . not really. That job would suck. I am a civil engineer.
And I would say somewhere between 4 to 8 years older than you. You are 25, so that means you are about 30 for a guy (maturity level). You need someone on equal footing.
I thought the male abandonment was pretty insightful and probably something you don't spend a lot of time digging into because you believe it is a weakness and something you should be able to just "get over" as an adult. Not so easy really, and it still affects the way you react to the world on a subconcious level.
Spiffy, I couldn't tell which answer was a lie, so very well done. Next two questions: #1, are you as dreamy in person as you are on the net? #2, why can't all men be like you?
Julene, I see that I have enticed you back for a second visit. . . .I do believe the saying is that the third time is the charm. I don't know what the heck that is supposed to mean, except maybe you will now be addicted and have to come visit more often. Anyway, I hope that is the case.
Previous Answer #1 = TRUE
Previous Answer #2 = False (but not really a bad idea, kinda an off the cuff attempt at topical humor. Definately has an element of truth in it)
Answer to Current Questions
#1) Not as much as you might think. I have reached the point in my life where I must choose. To remain in top physical condition or to slowly slink into abject physical decay. Really, I have passed that point by a couple of years and have realized I chose wrong. Now I have to fight my way back to even footing before I can properly battle the onset of age. The good news is that I started out ahead of the curve on the dreamy scale, and I am still barely into the 3rd decade of life so I have a long time before age really attacks me with full force. So I have a better than average shot at staying on top. If the wife, kid, job with 1 hour commute (each way) in city traffic, continuing education, etc. etc, don't kill me first. I guess to summarize, I would say that I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was. . . .
#2)Actually, all guys could be this good. But none of them have the determination, the internal anguish to drive change, or the mental capacity to realize that they are screwed up. The just sit around being fat, lazy, inconsiderate asses because they can and do get away with it. I chose the hard road, I chose to look deep into my own hang-ups and to see if I could figure out why I had moments of utter happiness in the arms of a woman (as Amos Lee so aptly put to song) and yet had such an overwhelming sense of emptiness at the same time. It was brutal, messy and if I wasn't so damn stubborn, I probably would have given up and continued to be a man whore (as my wife affectionately refers to my mispent youth). But would you really want all guys to be as perfect as me? I mean come on, that would get pretty boring, pretty fast. All kidding aside, I am no picnic, I still have a bunch of faults and am not exactly the greatest husband of the century or anything. But I am working on it.
I can't tell which of those was a lie. I thought the first one when you said you were entering your third decade, because with seven years of college (or even the usual four) it would be hard for you to be just starting the third decade. (The third decade starts at 20, right?) But then when you feigned imperfection I knew your answer to number 2 was the lie. Oh the corners I think myself into.
You mentioned the "overwhelming sense of emptiness" from your man whore days. I think a lot of us are empty, living hollow lives, trying to find what makes us complete. I know I am still looking.
Julene, uhmm, yeah, that would be 4th decade of life. Apparently I forgot how to count when I was getting my mind blasted by calculus and differential equations. After you pass 30 you are working on the 4th decade. Crap, I'm old.
Aside from the oops on the decade, #1 is right on the money - better than average, but not quite as good as I still think of myself, #2 gets a little squirrely after discussing my man-whore-ness. 60% true - 40% false. All good lies have that maximum lie to truth ratio. Minimum is 80% true and 20% lie. Anything less is a fib. Anything greater is doomed to failure.
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