Why is it . . . . . huh. . . . why do you think you can get away with it.

Ok, I know I said I was going to break down the categories and pass on the wisdom (or insanity) of the male mind and viewpoint on women, but this is not it. I am too busy to put that all down right now, but I do have a few minutes to delve into something that has intrigued and confounded me for years. Why is it that people feel it is ok to talk to their best friend, spouse, lover, whichever in ways that they would never even consider talking to an acquaintence. Everyone has that person, the person that we can love as dearly as anyone on the planet, but if we get mad at them. . . . we speak to them like they are the lowest form of life on the planet. We might curse them, or cuss them, dig into their insecurities, basically say whatever it takes to hurt them in some way. Most of the time, we do it without thinking. We don't even think about it after we do it. It's like we read peotry instead of verbally assaulting the person. It just doesn't register with the verbal murderer.

I have seen it with best friends, with spouses, with co-workers, family. . . . but never have I seen it with a random stranger or casual acquaintence. Oh, I've seen people I don't know just freak out on someone, but I didn't know that someone either, so they could have been friends. I also know there are people who do fly off the handle at strangers and such, but this isn't about that. This is about why people think it is ok to speak to a friend, spouse, family menber, etc in ways that you know would hurt them, yet they would never ever think of doing it to someone we barely know.

Here's what I mean. Say you and your "other person" are out and about and your person pisses you off. I don't mean, spill your french fries into the floor and laugh a little about it. I mean, genuinely pisses you off, you know what would do it, imagine they did that. What is your reaction? Do you try and laugh it off? Or do you go into a verbal tirade about how they always do crap like that and you should have known they were gonna screw this up because blah blah blah. You get the picture. They just stand there and take it, slack jawed and appologize. Then once you've cooled down, everything goes back to normal.

I bring this up because of a conversation I had yesterday. I have never been someone's verbal abuse sponge, it was new and not so fun. Here it is as best as I can remember from where it started going down hill. . . . .

Me: I have no idea what you just said.

Person: I said " blah blah blah. . . . . . . (not important to the story"

Me: Sorry, I still couldn't hear you.

Person: I said " blah blah blah. . . . . . . (not important to the story" . . . . "Why don't you clean the dirt out of your ears."

Me: Oh, I hear fine. It was the fact that you were facing away from me, mumbling with food in your mouth, and the wind is whistling through the trees causing a lot of background noise that caused me not to hear you. . . . So, if you want to be heard you might consider speaking up a bit.

Person: Well you don't have to be an ass about it. Just say you can't hear me.

Me: Saying the words "I can't hear you.", isn't saying "I can't hear you"? What do I have to say to actually say "I can't hear you"?

Person: No, you said you didn't know what I said. That's different.

Me: Yes, but then I said I couldn't hear you.

Person: Well you were being an ass, kinda like now, so I didn't listen to what you said.

Me: I don't understand. You can not listen to me, and it's ok. I say "I can't hear you", and somehow that means I'm not listening and that makes me an ass? Then telling you what I said, when you weren't listening, means I'm being an ass again. That about cover it?

Person: Just shut up. Blah blah. . . You don't know what the hell your talking about. Blah Blah. . . . I don't know why the f**k I hang out with you. You . . . . . Blah Blah. . . . You're suck a f**king smart-ass. . . . know it all. . . . son of a bitch. . . . .

{roughly 30 seconds of verbal massacre. . . . at which point I interupt -- maybe a little rudely}

Me: Nnnaaaiiiiit!!!!! Wait just a second. . . . . I will not be spoken to like that. I am a grown man. You wouldn't talk to anyone else on this planet with the same venom as you just spoke to me. Not your parents, not one of your friends, or relatives or anybody you know. You wouldn't talk to a stranger that way. You wouldn't talk to your worst enemy that way so, I'll be damned if I stand here and let you talk to me that way. {then I did what can only be described as genius}

{in my best Cartman voice - from Southpark}

Me: Screw you Kyle, I'm going home.

{Which just left "Kyle" open mouthed and staring. Then I strolled around the house to the car, hopped in and went home to the wife and kid. "Kyle" didn't say another word. My buddy is Not named Kyle by the way.}

"Kyle" called me about 10:00 today and appologized for being an ass. I appologized for being an ass too (though I think I was entirely justified in my ass-hole-ness and didn't really mean it). All is right in friendville.

And I have seen some down right vicious spousal comments amongst friends. Like it was nothing but casual conversation with the husband. Usually the husband is getting his ass chewed out. Why is that ok? To lay into someone like they were not a person. To talk to them in a way that you would NEVER want to be talked to. I just don't understand it?