Red Letter Day for Personal Growth of Me

It has been brought to my attention recently, from an assorted group of fairly unreliable sources (aka Trolls), that I may be a racist. It has been suggested that I am a white robe wearing card carrying member of the KKK and possibly the anti-christ as well. Well, let it never be said that I don't look into all possible opportunities for personal growth.

So, I did a little research and checked with the people who know me best. The following is a general consensus of their input. Scoring will be listed as points for me being racist and points against. Currently the score is 0 to 0.

From my Step-father (a 64 year old black man who lived in the south during the civil rights movement) I quote, "Boy, you are about as racist as a piece of toast." To which I can only deduce that since toast is mainly made from white bread and only favored if it is browned and not blackened, that I hate black people or at the very least I am against wheat bread. I count this as 1/2 a point apiece since bread doesn't care who eats it. I was unaware, so I sought a second opinion for insure a good cross section of data. Score = .5 to .5.

From my brother-in-law (a 49 year old black man with 2 mulato children that happen to also be my niece (2 kids) and nephew (0 kids) and two children from a previous marriage who are my step niece and nephew who I love them like blood kin) I got this opinion. "If you are racist, then I must be the next President of the United States." So there you have it. My brother in law must be Barack Obama or Al Sharpton (if he decides to run this time), though he doesn't look anything like the pictures of them I've seen and thus destroying a myth that all black people look alike. Since there is some question as to whether this means I'm racist or not, I guess we'll know in November of 2008. Again, I sought a third opinion. Score = 1 to 1

From my Step Mom (a 67 year old caucasian woman in reference to my Great Great Grandfather - who was an escaped slave from Georgia - and what his opinion would be) My step Mom only knew my G-G-Grandad for a short time, but what she remembers his feeling were that while not every white person from the South was necessarily racist, but that many had a tendency to think poorly of anyone not of English descent. They didn't particularly like the English either, but if you were an American of English descent, you were probably ok. Since I am of German, Scottish, Irish, African, Native American, Spanish, Portuguese and Finnish descent, and live in the south. . . . I must be at least inclined to dislike people not of English descent which includes myself. Again, not a strong case for racism, so I sought a 4th opinion. Current score = 1.5 to 1.5.

From the associate pastor at my church (a late 40ish - just guessing here- black man with a wife and 4 kids who attended Spelman college prior to going to the seminary) I received this bit of wisdom. "I don't think you are racist, unless you consider stupid people to be a sub-race of the human race as a whole. Ignorant people, you are ok with, they just don't know any better. It's the people that choose to be dumb that you can't stand." A truer statemant has never been spoken. This brought up another point that I had not considered. The sub races of humanity and how they are divided. Historically, races have been classified based on appearance, region of origin and religion. I have never heard of a race being classified based on intelligence, so I have to count this one in my favor. Current score = 1.5 to 2.5.

From the woman I dated immediately prior to meeting my wife (a 33 year old black woman who is currently married with 2 children) who I still talk to occasionally and we all get together about 3 or 4 times a year to catch up. She said, "not unless you were trying to cover up a deep seeded trauma associated with and resulting in hatred for the African American people and manifested by living in direct opposition to your own feelings and beliefs, which would put you in the mentally unstable class in itself and probably mean you weren't socially functional in society as a whole." Yes, she graduated and got an Phd in Psychology and often speaks in horribly long run on sentences that she then has to repeat 17 times becuse no one understood what the heck she just said. Kinda like that. Currently she works with with abused and battered children to help them overcome the trauma of rape, torture and other verbal and physical abuse usually perpetrated on them by a family member or friend of the family. Hmmmmm, I wonder if her vehement feelings of disgust at people who abuse children has rubbed off on me a little? Maybe. Again, I think this one has to count for me here. I can function in society pretty well. Current score = 1.5 to 3.5.

I thought I'd try and get an unbiased opinion and seek out some people I don't have particularly close relationships with or don't see that often anymore just to balance the study group. From the guys I play wheelchair basketball with every other Thursday (of the 14 or so guys that show up - 3 of us are white) I got that I was maybe not as tolerant of anyone who wanted special dispensation because of their race, but I was all for an equal playing field. (I would count this as a point in my favor) Score = 1.5 to 4.5

From my High School Basketball coach (who was a black ex-nba bench rider for 4 years and played in Europe for 3 years - I was also the only white guy on the team my Junior and Senior year) I quote, "You are the only white guy I know who is racist towards white people and nobody else." (I have to count this as a point for and against, since it does declare me racist to some ethnic group) Score = 2.5 to 5.5

From my Nigerian co-worker who grew up under apartheid, "You are definately not what I would consider racist in any fashion. I experienced racism in the most personal of ways, and I would say that you are most tolerant and embrace diversity." Score = 2.5 to 6.5.

From the Indian (from India - he is Hindu) owner of the company I work for, "I would not have hired you nor kept you employed by my company if for one moment I ever had any doubt as to your tolerance and understanding of racial or religious sensitivities." Since he did not immediately hand me a pink slip, I count this as a point in my favor as well. Score = 2.5 to 7.5.

In doing the math, I am forced to come to the conclusion that I am in fact at least partially racist. From further deduction, I have deduced that I am 5% racist towards wheat bread, 15% racist towards white people not of American birth and English descent, and 5 % racist if my Brother in law is not elected President in 2008. This means I am 20 to 25 % racist towards the minority of bread and majority of white people. While yes, that is a low percentage, any percentage is too much. Therefore, I will be contacting the ACLU and NAACP immediately to see if they offer counseling services to help me get over my abhorence of wheat bread. Wish me luck.