Bridge over troubled waters. . . . or some other Simon and Garfunkle song

I would like to urge all women to listen very closely. First, a few questions that you may or may not have ever asked yourself, but should.

1. When you think of a sexual partner, what is the most important single characteristic? (a physical trait, knowledge of a particular 'move' or over-all performance level)
2. Would you rather have a single really really big mind-blowing 'one', or several smaller but good 'ones' which may or may not culminate in a better than the first time 'one'? (you know what "one" I'm talking about)
3. When going to the place you like the best, do you prefer to pick the route and drive, be driven on a route of someone Else's choosing, or back seat drive? (I'm not talking about a car here)

Now, thinking about your answers. Does this apply every single time or is it ever changing as the frequency or infrequency of trips to the land of curly toes fluctuates. Exactly! So, as a public service announcement to all the ladies out there, I have a solution to all your problems. Well, maybe not ALL problems, but definitely an improvement in this particular area. So, to catch any lagers up to speed.

Women have a fundamental problem when it comes to the sexual partner. Women, as a rule, are stuck with unsatisfying sexual partners in the early stages of relationships and have to wait for the man to learn how to do the things she needs done to achieve optimal physical satisfaction. Note, I said physical. Emotional satisfaction has nothing to do with this solution and is a problem in and of itself. I might address it at a later date. Anyway, I acknowledge there are exceptions. Sometimes, the first time together is so awesome that toe cramps may even make you shed a tear of joy. OK, now how is it the 10th time? Still tears of joy. I didn't think so.

Well, I have a solution to this problem that is so simple it will have you slapping your forehead. . . . or at least the top of his head. Yes and no, you have and have not guessed it. I am talking about how "Ms. Robinson" can fix all of your troubles, or at least build a bridge to get you over the rough spots. And I'm not talking about a little lesbian love either. You might ask, "Huh? Well then how does Ms. Robinson come into the game?" Well, I'll tell you.

Every woman should BE Ms. Robinson for some young guy. Think of the long term effects. OK, some 18 or 19 year old doofus with the libido of a rabbit meets a woman reaching the age of her peak sexual desires (approaching 30 as the rule goes). Now, this seems like a match made in heaven. A guy who is ready at the crook of a finger and who can 'rinse and repeat' faster than you can shampoo your hair. This might be a good thing, since his typical time in the saddle is somewhat lacking. Eventually, he will get to you there, even if he gets there 3 times as often as you do. Conversely, look at the same woman with an equal or older man who learned the conventional "same age" way. It's a straight drive there, with no unscheduled stops. Instead of getting there in 3 short trips of 20 minutes, you drive straight through for 40 minutes. You get there, but it is less about the trip than the destination. Now, consider a 30 ish man and 30 ish woman, but where the man was once the private boy toy of a previous 30 ish woman. That man will make it one trip still, but he takes so many little back roads and scenic tours that the no stopping policy takes a good hour and is more about the trip than the destination.

Now, in all three cases, the destination is reached. You get to O-town. He gets to O-town. You both are happy. The difference is that the Boy fumbles his way there. The first man just goes until you get there and then quits, and the 2nd man cares about where you are going and wants you to see all the sights along the way. Don't get me wrong, there are occasions when the straight through approach is what you both want, and sometimes the bumbler might strike gold, but for consistency and a level of production that is unmatched you need the properly trained man. This would be where Ms. Robinson comes in.

Ms. Robinson is just what the Graduate suggested. She is an older woman who seduces and teaches a younger man. Think of that younger man's next girlfriend of roughly his own age. She is going to get a man trained to listen for clues (sounds, movements, directions), someone who has been taught to do it right (angle, force, position) and taught to make it last until you get there (changing position, location, taking a break for a southerly trip now and again, etc). The normal untrained boy or self taught man is no comparison to a well schooled graduate of the Ms. Robinson Driving Academy any age. Women know what they like, older women are more vocal about expressing it, younger men are more eager to please and take this kind of direction to heart. They apply what they learned in the future. So, who do you want. Ms. Robinson's apprenticed student or some kid who has the where and how but not the know how. Duh. Easy answer Sherlock. So, this leads us to the call to arms.

If you want a man who knows what he is doing, teach one. You know that saying about giving a hungry man a fish and you feed him for a day, but if you teach him to fish you will feed him for a lifetime? Well, this is the same thing. If you teach him, maybe you won't get to eat of his catch forever, but someone will. They will thank you too. Someone else may have taught your next catch, and won't you be thankful they did. The requirements to be Ms Robinson are simple. You must be at least 5 years older, willing to teach and want to have sex. Simple and easy requirements. Remember, you are the older woman, he will have an innate sense and desire to please, just tell him how.

As a former student and Graduate of the Ms. Robinson driving academy, I can attest to the proficiency of the professors, the dedication to making sure each student gets the best education, and the willingness to work outside of class and even refer you to independent tutors on occassion. As best as I can remember those years and professors, as a 14 year old student to 16, 17 and 19 year old professors (due to the early enrollment of the student, the age difference minimum was waived), 15-17 to 24, 26, and 32, 18 to 24, 27, 34 and 35, 19 to 27, 29, 31, 37 and 39 year old professors, I can say that my "out of class" study was much improved. I feel confident in saying that my same age group "study" partners would attest to that if they could speak past the clenching of their teeth and curling of their toes. I continued on for an advanced degree into my early 20's and am now a full fledged Doctor of Drive-olgy. My doctoral dissertation was on the proper "understanding of the southern byways and their mostly Oral traditions". I have a plaque and diploma and everything, though my wife doesn't let me display it in the living room anymore.

So, go out and get your very own boy toy to shape and mold him into the next Don Juan. Your best friends daughter might thank you for it one day.